Love, X

March 12th, Saturday morning, I had a dream.
One that I woke up almost in tears.
I remember sitting in the car, talking on the phone with you on the other end.
I was crying, listening to what you had to say.
I don't remember the exact words but I know you wanted to break up and that our dads weren't getting along.
I remember throwing a tantrum at Ming when he asked me what's wrong.
I woke up telling myself: It was just a dream.

I told you about the dream and you hugged me tight and you said:
"Why do you always have these weird dreams?"
I honestly don't know.
All I know was that I was genuinely scared.
I can't lose you. Period.

I haven't written in awhile, but today, I had to get this out.
I won't deny that I have never wonder what would happen if things really turn out that way, because I have.
I have never believed in fairy tales or happily ever afters, mainly because its bullshit.
As much as I wanted to believe in 'em, I just can't.
There is no such thing as forever.
People leave.
Whether its family, friends or lovers.
People die, people just walk out from your life whenever they want to, simply because they can.
People remain in your life because they chose to, and they make an effort to stay.

There is no such thing as - "As long as I love you, we can conquer the world"
That's bullshit too.
I can't help but think that, we are both going through different phases of life.
"Since y'all both families also know each other, ok lo can marry le lo, no problem le wei"
A friend once told me that, since we have "passed" this stage, you guys are forever.
I told him:
 "What if one day, he/I finally stepped into society, and found out that what he/I want is not the same anymore?"
"What if one day, he/I has finally seen the world, and found out that he/I is not we want anymore?"
It may be stupid thinking about hypotheticals but I'm not some 16 years old girl that thinks that life is going to be all rainbows and hearts once you've found your prince charming.
The only conclusion that I can think of is that I'm scared of getting hurt again.
I don't think I can handle getting hurt again.
I don't think I am strong enough, even though I always act like I am (or always convince myself I am)

I can assure you that, it's not that I don't have confidence in us.
I can honestly say that, for as long as I can, I will be yours.
I'm just scared of the unknown, because I'm madly in love with you and I can't afford to lose you.
I'll crumble down, real bad.
Being with you is so easy and simple, I just have to be me.
I can be so comfortable and act like a child, and the best part is that you would be as childish as I am with me.
I don't think you know but recently I've realized that everything in my life revolves around you.
Every conversation I have with others, I'll either mention you or simply just think of you.
Anything that happens, no matter how big or small, I'll always think of you first.

Baby, I don't know what will happen in the future, but I'll say this:
"No matter what happens, I will always want you in my life, no wait, I will always need you in my life."
Thank you for not letting me go, thank you for taking another leap of faith to fight for us.
I promise that I will fight hard for us until you give up.
And thank you baby, for letting me fall in love with you all over again from time to time.
Whenever I feel uneasy or unsure, your words are always so comforting and will always remind me why I fell in love with you.
Like you said, I can't promise you forever, but I'll love you from the bottom of my heart for as long as I can.

Love, X

2015

现在觉得，今年会是个大转折。
20岁，又有了新的发现。

1. 人，果然会变。
让我吓到的是，这些人，尽然不是本身预测到的人
而是你万万没想到的人。
一开始以为，吼，我们肯定怎样都不会散
哈哈，想回去还蛮好笑的
随便啦，变就变啦，也不关我的事
朋友来来往往
注定走的，最后还是会走
注定留下的，依然会回来。

2. 自己好像，有点长大了（一点点啦）
觉得现在的自己，没那么纠结了
该放下的事，就放下（虽然不是马上）
也觉得对人生的了解，多了一点点
以前总觉得，爱情，你爱我，我爱你就行了
哈哈太幼稚了
单单爱，是不能在现今社会生存的
有点了解人所说的：You put him/her before yourself.

爱情，
除了爱，还需要蛮多东西的
- 信任
- 希望
- 妥协
- 包容
- 还有很多很多的耐心
最重要的还是让你继续努力的动力
而往往那个动力，就是他/她。

也突然发现
人所说的这句话果然是真的： The both of you grow and learn together, pushing each other to be a better person.
你让我突然领悟到，我果然是很幸福了
很多事情，我没经历过，更没想象过
你让我发现，自己真的是有被宠坏了
很多事情，不必我操心，不必我管，因为一切已经被搞定
而你
经历过我没经历过的，很多事情得自己来
原来你也是个满身伤，而这些伤口我并不了解
可是我答应你，我会跟着你的脚步，慢慢地去了解
我不会逼你，如果你想和我分享，我会仔细地听

你是个奇迹，七十亿分之一的奇迹
我会一直跟着你，
我会一直支持你，
我会一直安抚你，
我会一直爱你，
直到我们的路走尽了。
因为就只有你，才值得。

本来以为很多东西要写
可是写道要睡了
算了，睡觉哈哈哈哈哈

离别，也许是最心酸，最难受的感觉

但人生就是充满离别。

感恩现在所拥有的。

:)

Stressed out recently

had people stepping on my nerves, pushing my patience to the limit

i'm sorry if i was harsh, and the non stop complaints 

but thanks for understanding

and the cute pictures to cheer me up

wouldnt wish for anything else :)

all i need is u..

love you <3 

坚持！

以前总觉得，自己是很坚强的
天塌下来，我也能顶着
现在开始在想，是不是太高估自己了
发现，人都蛮像称又青，偶尔需要聊一聊
当然她的对象是李大仁，我们就有自己的“好朋友”
突然很想骂自己
眼泪怎么说要流就流，没理由的流


其实，想要的真的不多
因为觉得自己很幸福了
只是这几个礼拜，过得蛮辛苦的
尤其是晚上
也不知怎么搞的，每天都1点2点才睡觉
搞到下礼拜开课，到现在都还没有调回去
可是人就是深夜的时候，特别感性
也只能怪自己，爱想东想西吧！
老实说，自己不是个很有耐心的人
（哈哈这个不懂讲几次了）
可是遇到你，觉得我的耐心，已经突破极点了
也不是想把自己讲到多么伟大
只是有时觉得好辛苦
很多时候，想多聊几句
但知道你需要休息
很多时候，想留在你身边多一下
但知道你也累了
不是说妥协到很委屈，而是有时觉得为啥一定要酱
在想，如果我是那种霸道的38婆
时时刻刻都要看到你，我觉得你肯定疯掉
我也不想做那种人
我不是一个不讲道理的人，我了解，我明白
（哈！又在想，如果自己不是那么懂事的话会不会好过点？）


我真的要的不多
每晚有你的晚安，一段时间见次面
（就算不出去也行，就只想看见你，感受到你的体温）
总之，感受到你在我身边就好
不是自己没要求，只是觉得何必为难你
搞到自己辛苦，你也辛苦，会心疼啊
有时会觉得，是不是自己不够努力？
他不能来我可以过去啊！
（可是偏偏就很多事情，不知算不算借口）
哈哈，有时还真的觉得自己做的不够好
还觉得自己对你的了解和你对我的了解，差很远
哎呀不知道啦！
i miss you
really do, every single day
it's been hard, but hey
for you, i'll do whatever it takes
even if its just to wait
because, you're worth it.


♥ u baby
#X 

IMY...

Holidays are almost up!

Uni starts on the 24th

pretty excited and scared at the same time

not sure why am i feeling scared, but i think i'll be just fine

been rotting at home for far too long, its time to stretch those muscles and do something, anything

the heat and haze is killing me

i even ran out of singlets to wear :O

its so sibeh hot every single day! I even feel like a roasted pig

please just rain~ gimme a mega storm!

ok maybe not a mega one but at least just rain so that its not so dry and maybe clear the haze for abit

Planning on going back segamat at the end of the month

for eh 清明 uh

its been awhile since we've went back..since CNY 

hope tat we'll have time for a sing k session with le babes

haven seen them since CNY too! and i wanna cheong k yo! 

well we'll see, and i swear i'm gonna drag ah fook out 

no matter wat! and watever it takes :p

I like lying on bear's legs because it reminds me of u..a lot =)

feels like times when i'm lying on ur lap

the only difference is not hearing your voice and heartbeat

i miss you

i just want to be in your arms..tats all

P.S. wats dai sek :OO

♥ u bii

#X