Singapore trip. Genting trip.

Now? Back to Segamat.

MK kor back.

Having myself busy with cross stitching.

But still..something is making me feel...frustrated.

Issit abt Xiong's tuition?

Issit abt wat will happen on my bday?

Issit abt going to Sg?

Wat ever issit. I really duno.

Suddenly feel so lost.

Suddenly feel like bursting into tears.

But i can't find the reason why....

I really dun understand.
Dun understand!

I wonder too much everytime.
I think too much everytime...
Damn! Why i always think too much ?!

I'm not the only frend.
~ has plenty.
But why, why must u hlp me soo much.
It may seem like nothing, but i cried kay?
I was only a frend..
I really dunno how to thank u.

It made me feel like.
There's someone out there who i can go to.

Reallly nid to wake up uh #@$#&%*!

Hols Day 6 (25/11)

So, Wen and Lyn stayed over night at my place.

And so, me and mum made breakfast.

Wen wanted hot dogs, but we were out of stock =x.

It was quite a healthy breakfast. I woke up earlier to prepare carrots and tomatoes.

Breakfast ~ Omelet + garlic bread + baked beans + tea!

We waited for ah kor to come back from his history paper.

And went to ta bao KFC~ It was my 2nd uncle's wife's birthday!

Wai po made porridge, which everyone liked ♥

And we started digging in the chickens!

And after tat...ofcuz cake ~~

Lunch ~ Porridge + KFC + Cake

And then we went back home without Wen and Lyn.

Came back to play maple!

Haha yeah~ i quitted for quite some time.

To waste time and fill in my time. I started playing, under Jay Jie's request.

So I'M BACK~! LOL.

Anyways nth much happened.

Back to maple ♥

Hols Day 5 (24/11)

Nothing much happened today.

Woke up at around... Alamak i forgot HAHA!

So i went our to buy white bread, and two of the shops here was out of stock -_-.

So i cycled to "Zao Chen" and ta bao mee + chicken wings.

And fried 3 crab sticks.

Breakfast ~ Mee + Chicken wings + Crab stick

And so, i watched tv, on computer and rot!

So i made some changes to ma blog..

As they say 旧的不去,新的不来~

I just erased everything online tat we had in common.

And just leave those memories in a folder named "Moving on"

After Ming came back from sch.

We went to Pizza Hut! Ehehe. So usual stuff, pizza, deli wings.

And after tat went to town to get some things done, and went to do a lil shopping with mom.

And ended up at Wai Po's =].

That is when i found something interesting...

Okay its not so clear. But its a SPIDER! O_O.

Big, black, yellow~~

Btw those are my fav sweet potato leaves ♥>

Lunch ~ Pizza Hut

After tat we went home, played with Parry, pluck some wild grass.

And went back to ma bb com!

I dled a score writer and started to mashup my 3 versions of 蒲公英的约定!

Uh so much to do...

Its a super nice song! Lurve it soooo muchhhh ♥.

你不知道的事..i found the score. Guess wat? 6 sharps !@#@%$^*

Siao i rather dun wan T_T.

And so we had dinner and i'm here writing tis post xD.

Dinner ~ Rice, chicken, fish, vege, seaweed soup

Well okay, wanna continue with my 蒲公英的约定!

Hols Day 4. (23/11)

Uh. Today is SPM 1st day, which is BM. Jy all xD.

Its a rather normal and boring day.

My flu still haven recover, in fact i was even coughing yesterday.

Feel so lazy to go out ~_~

So Wen is here in skamat for the week.

I wanted to go SG for the whole week (next week), but Wen will not be home all the time.

+ there ain't a lot of places i can go.

Besides Orchad, Sentosa, Kallang and malls, i'm gona rot there.

So i think i'll just stay at home to rot betta den rotting there =x =/.

Unless someone is willing to bring me around for the whole week~

Anyways i'm going there for a dinner next sunday.

Ha! ~> Look familiar? I washed it two days ago.

LOL. Guess wat was the colour tat came out when i squeeze it? BLACK O_O!

Not those really black black.

Its those dirty black black xD.

Get it?

Well its clean now xD.

I've been using it from CNY till now...

Never really took it off, unless needed.

So, currently trying to find some piano scores to work on besides my exam pieces.

Like 蒲公英的约定, some yiruma's songs.

Well, back to rotting again =].

Guess wat I've been doing tis few days =].

HAAAA CHEWWW! ~~~

Uhh. Seriously hate running nose T_T.

Anyways, went to KL on tues and weds. Sunway Pirami

d & 1 Utama.

Too bad we din't have enuff time to go ice-skating =x =/.

Well went bowling too haha xD! Got 1 strike only =x.

I bought a new jacket, which i didn't knew it was RM139 and its on a 40% discount.

Alamak, tio chuak -_-. So its RM83.40.

Well mom said its branded and will last long, so we went for it =].

Get it?

I really dun believe in "forever" anymore.

13/11/10 '10 6K class party aka '07 6M reunion.

Looking at their photos, seeing groups and groups of frends.

Asking them not to be separated. To be together forever.

There was one gal, :"我们是永远的朋友！"

I wished i didn't hear tat.

I cried. Yeah i did.

I was thinking, how could i? HOW COULD I?!

But i knew it was the right choice.

I dun care wat others think, i dun care how they see me.

I and me, accept me, reject me, i'm still me.

Yes, 3 years. Or maybe 2 years+

Thanks, for being there. Lending me an ear.

I suddenly thought. Am i just taking her as a replacement?

Honestly i dunno =].

And i dun wan to noe anymore.

I am happy now. Happy with my current frends.

Thanks for tis sentence. 你身边其实还有很多关心你的人.

It really touched me =], really it did.

It made me feel even stronger.

We played truth or dare.

And knew alot of secrets too haha. That the fun part =].

Well its late, better go sleep.

Uhh wait!

HA CHEW xD~!

请你为自己想一想，自己的安全还是逃避比较重要？

我不管你是不是我的朋友，即使你只是个同学，白痴才会让一个女生在晚上自己走去另一个地方。

不要我们陪就随便找另一个人！

为什么要这样？哪里可以酱抛弃他？他很可怜的咧！

是全都是我狠！

你逼我的啊！

要做坏人就做到底吧。真的不想再去烦恼了。

保护自己，别人受伤。还是保护别人，自己受伤？

我已经选择保护自己了。Do not expect ANYTHING from me.

已经害怕，如果给了机会。到头来还是同一件事情，我宁愿不要。不要再被伤。

除非，你可以100%肯定，这件事不可能发生。

不管什么选择，每个人都会被伤到，只是看深不深。

恨我，请你恨我。

我会比较好过一点。

我是我，在这种场合。我一定很吵。一定跟别人玩。

我知道你受不了。

可是我就是我。

你可以讲我是特地的，我无所谓。

最后还是这句话。Do not expect ANYTHING from me.

我终于明白，这世界上根本没有Forever这个字的存在。

我得保护自己。

说我狠，坏，我不管。

心里，根本不想再给多一个机会。我觉得如果给了，又在这样，何必呢？干脆算了，自己不用那么烦恼。

该狠的时候，就该狠。该放的时候，就要放。

真的没力气了，就让那风筝风得远远吧=）。

从现在起，要开始新的生活！不用想这么多，好好过完这3个星期，然后大放假。

明年是新的一年。会有新的学校生活。

加油吧！=）

Okay! So everything is done. Got abit changes for my blog.

And i really dun expect anything else to happen. And i wish nothing will happen =].

Like me, reject me, I'm still me. So i'm just being me =].

Dun expect much from me too.

我突然觉得，当你觉得做朋友做到很累，这时候，很有可能是分手的时候。

我本身也不想的，也试着去和你谈。可是，有时候你说一句话，只是一句话的语气，让我感觉到，没必要了。也有时候，因你一句话，我很想站起来，把自己带到另一个地方去。

我不知道，你吸收到了什么。可是，你的一举一动，你的每一句话。真的让我觉得很累。

我已经不了解你到底在想些什么，我应经不知该怎么去抓着这份缘分了。

我说过，我不是个铁做的人，我又不行的时候。也许，我已经处于这阶段了。

友情就和爱情一样，不能只有单方面的付出，而是需要双方面，双方面的努力，坚持这份缘分。

在那么大的宇宙，那么多的银河系，八大星球的地球，地球的亚洲，亚洲的马来西亚，马来西亚的柔佛，柔佛的昔加末，昔加末的阿罗拉。在60亿的人中，能够遇见，认识，成为朋友，这是多么难得的事情。

也许我想得太多，也许我的方法不对。

但是，到头来还是不希望谁受到伤害。

Please, talk to me. 我真的不懂该怎么办了。

今天，你根本不对劲，我问了，你又不说。是可能只是你不舒服，可是为什么你给我的感觉不只是那么简单？

就像我说的，友情和爱情，就像在放风筝。

风太大，即使你一直抓得很紧，最后还是会断线，到头来你也失去了。

该放的时候，就得放。

也许你是没勇气，害怕，放手后，会失去。但是，朋友毕竟是人，是有血有肉有感觉的人。

我现在，真的不懂要怎么做了。只好，好好的珍惜现在，不想去想未来会怎么办。

Really dun wanna give the wrong message. Uh tis sux. -_-.
Its over, why am i still feeling so...frustrated? Ain't I suppose to feel happi or just not like tis?

其实，有句话。。我暂时也想不通。
“你不要他黏你，那你为什么黏我。”
It really caught me. And it's too true.
感觉到，自己很自私。真的很自私>_<。不知道你有没有这样觉得。


是你的，永远都是你的；不是你的，不管你怎么挣，怎么抢，也都不会属于你。

I saw tis on FB, and its quite true xD.

射手女高中时期好朋友。与她能开任何玩笑，相处起来非常轻松。她的心中有隐隐的不安分，但是需要被人去点燃。也就是说，在陌生人面前时貌似文静拘谨，一旦被人点燃了就很疯了。她很宽容，待人真诚，假话不说。在生活细节方面神经不是很细，但在文章里或者在写的信里都看得出来，她在情感方面也很细腻。她有她自己的感悟和对世界的细微感受，但你从她外表也许看不出来。就像她的感情问题，不会主动向别人倾诉，但你问到了，她也不会扭捏，还会以比较诙谐的方式去说一件很受伤的事情。总之是一个懂事乐观的人。

她很爱笑，会装可爱（非貶义，她就是要达到搞笑的效果），很大方，不过也没什么主见，随和，开朗，一般的难过倒霉的事情都不会影响到她的情绪（就算有，她也不会表露给朋友看），很爱帅锅，但自己的个人问题上想法也比较实际，不会高瞻远瞩。

有点造作，打扮很女人，但是内心挺豪爽，会生活，想得开，爱自由，不太介意旁人的看法。

Now only i understand. Letting someone go isn't that easy.
You might think that u did let go, but in the end, its only a lie.

Its true tat one who hasn't like go out to see the world, he/she will never noe tat he/she is juz like a sand on the beach. The world is so big, there are millions of ppl out there, and every one of them has different personalities.

I understand tat, having online frends and chatting with u, helping u with stuff. But it never last long. U never noe tat they are real anot. They might juz wan to cheat u or somethin. But in the end, u have to come back to reality, u HAVE TO! There's no other choice. U can, u really can have frends online, talk to them have fun with them but juz dun rely too much on them. Learn to be u noe, try to, maybe juz sometimes u have to be alone, no one can accompany u for the rest of your life.



PMR is over, i'm gona start solving the problems i'm having, one by one. But there's just one feeling that i feel so weird. I've been single like almost one year. And so wat if i dun have an admirer, i dun mind. I am who i am, like me hate me, your choice. It doesn't affect who am i now. Sometimes it just feel like, i really wanna play a song to someone special. It feels so nice, so enjoying to share wat i lurve to someone else. Music <3. I might not be tat good in piano, but i just wanna share wat i noe to someone.

一个人的脸上有太多的笑 ，是因为心里有太多的痛， 因为伤了 ，所以伪装

I saw tis post at FB. And it really pictures me a lot. Thx for sharing =].

总有一些人，他们看上去整天都很开心，嘻嘻哈哈的， 没有烦恼，像个小孩，他们会说玩是我最大的乐趣，我很喜欢玩，我什么都会玩，人多的时候他们脸上总挂着笑 容，好多人都会羡慕他们，然而这其实是他们最悲哀的地方，他们不想让别人看到自己难过的一面，更没有能力一个人独处，因为当夜深人静的时候，他不知道一个 人会发生什么事，坐在窗前冥想走过的点滴。

没有人读的懂他们，想着想着貌似快乐的他们就会黯然流下一脸的悲伤，然后自己对自己说：其实也没什么，命运吧！所以他们就整天逼自己笑，以此来逃避那些常人所不能不承受的痛苦！

他们貌似很坚强，因为在别人看来，他们什么事都能微笑着去面对，但事实上他们长着世界上最脆弱的心灵，只是长期的伪装使得别人很难发现他们内心深处的创伤。 他们其实非常孤独，虽然看到他们时都是在跟一群人谈天说地，那是因为他们实在不能承受一个人时的折磨！

他 们只想简简单单、快快乐乐的活着，期待并且相信每个人给的笑容都是真心的，希望身边的人都是真正的喜欢自己。即使别人小小的意见，也会另他们难过好久， 他们真的真的很介意，介意自己不被人喜欢。因为，他们总是为别人想的很多，对别人总是比对自己好；把能对喜欢的人好当做幸福，喜欢别人比喜欢自己多。

他们总是那样，前一秒还伤心的流着泪，后一秒出现在朋友面前的时候，已经满脸溢着灿烂的笑容。有人说他们是向日葵，是的，他们在意的人就像是太阳，在面对太阳的时候永远是明艳的花瓣，而太阳照不到的背面，那悲伤藏得那么好，不愿被看见。

他 们向往放纵自由的生活，却必须为了谁很努力的朝另外的一个方向活着，很累很累，却仍是心甘情愿。离自己的梦境越来越来远，不得不面对从未想过的争夺和复 杂，恐慌、不知所措。只有面对最信赖的人时，才会卸下盔甲，委屈的流下眼泪。因为在他们心里，笑就是开心，哭就是难过，接近就是喜欢，远离就是讨厌。但其 实不是，他们明白了，心好伤，眼泪就没忍住。哭过之后，笑笑得擦干眼泪，说，没关系，我可以做的很好的。

他们好像无所不能，好像总是不会有烦恼，好像什么问题都能轻而易举的解决，总是喜欢喜欢出现在流泪的人面前，笑嘻嘻的逗着笑。而面对自己的问题，他们却茫然无措，面对自己的悲伤，他们只会躲在人们看不见的角落里慢慢由伤口越裂越大。

他们的想法非常简单，说出来的就是心里所想的，肚子里不会拐七道八道的小弯，无心的话可能会引起别人的误解。所以，请别记恨他们，他们从不愿伤害谁，小小的错误就能让他们懊悔很久。

他 们其实非常单纯，甚至你曾经给了他一个微笑他也会一辈子记得你的好，因此他们的世界观其实也很简单，他们很容易受蛊惑 ，请不要轻易的伤害他们的感情，因为一旦伤害了，那就将永远弥补不回来！ 如果你身边有这种人请你给予他（她）那怕是凤毛麟角的那点关怀，让他（她）知道这个世界没有抛弃他们。

Why can't PMR start on monday and end on friday? Den everything will be better. I can solve all the problems faster. Now i still nid to wait for 2 more days. 2 MORE DAYS!Dammit.

Why do i feel so despo? Why do i feel tat i want more? Isn't now great? Being so free~ Or maybe i juz wanna play a song for someone? Not anyone, but someone? Maybe wat she said is true? Maybe he's not the one? Maybe is the one tat I haven even notice? Uh great tis kind of things, running through my mind again -_-.

Keep looking and looking, there's no use come on~~ -_-. Urgh!

Uh. PMR is comin in 1 more day and i dunno wat is goin on with my mind.
Am i so despo? Or issit just becuz i'm...
Get real -_- come on. U are suppose to be studying uh XIAN -_-.
Forget abt it, u'll have betta choices next time.

我想说，真的很想说。可是我不能。。因为时间，考试的关系，我真的不能。我怕会影响你我的考试心情，也可能影响你生日心情。

这两年来的感情，我很珍惜，也很感恩。可是有些是在我心里已经很久了，我又不敢说出来。
也许你会失望，也有很多的为什么，可是请你相信我，我所做的一切，都是想保护你。

因为你没经历过那种伤害，而我却承受这种伤，我知道那种痛。一个才十二岁的我，一个想和其他同学一样，拥有自己的朋友，能够在小学最后一年里开开心心的过属于我们的一年。可是上天注定我要在这时候，在人生的道路上，踏出一大步。我被朋友出卖，和朋友闹到很僵。十二岁的我，哭了不知多少的泪。我的心已经有了永远不会消得疤痕，我也不希望你我和一样，带着这些疤痕过一生。

被伤害过的人，会想尽办法，不让身边的朋友受到一样的痛。

我本身是个缺乏安全感的人，我非常想找个肩膀靠。你说我给你安全感，可是一个没安全感的人要如何给予别人他最缺乏的东西呢？每天在学校嘻嘻哈哈，是我隐瞒自己的最佳方法。这几年来的我，根本不是我，也不知道谁才是真真的我。每天嘻嘻哈哈的？躲在房间自己流泪的？我自己也不知道。

我的人很奇怪，有时候会想转个圈，要你问我。问我我到底是不是有事情。
我很老实的说，我有点失望，因为你相信我的“没事”。
几乎每次，我说没事，你就相信了。我知道，你不喜欢那种要说，又喜欢搞动作来让你去问的人。就因为这点我就没去想这么多。
也许我接下来的这句话，会让你很伤心，可是，这是打从我心底说出来的。

你不了解我。

我承认我很自私，也很笨。为什么我现在才发现到我们之间的问题。你太依赖我了，什么都跟我，什么都听我的。
就算你能靠这我到Form5，可是毕业后，我们都需要各走各的。我和你的兴趣不一样，到最后还是得靠自己。

我承认，你只是一个我心情不好的观众。我承认我很自私。
有时候，你所给我的回复，真的不是我想要的。可是到最后，我都无所谓，因为我不希望因为我得不到我想要的东西而毁了这段感情。
因为我们的兴趣不一样，有时候，我会好像变成“外人”。可是我都无所谓，所以我就自己找点事来做，或在一旁听。这点我并不怪你，因为我知道，我应该妥协。
可能你觉得我好想说自己很伟大，可是我相信你抓得到我的意思。

我很努力，很努力地想抓着这份缘分。我也知道你在努力。可是我怕我顶不住，我怕一切会在一瞬间就倒塌，一切就这样消失。
可能因为我经历过这些事，我思想比较成熟，比较不一样。可是我不是个用铁做的人，我会有不行的一天。我不能永远一直这样顶下去。

我承认和于芹说话，我很开心。因为他抓到我的心了，她能够就这样看出我有事。
其中一个锁匙已经被他拿去了，他已经把门打开了，走进去了。
可是你还没。我不是要求你变得像她一样。
我只觉得，我们可能会有分手的一天。我们的感情，就像是一对情侣酱。
因为我并不了解你。我很老实的说，我真的不了解你。
你的那把钥匙，还没别找出来。我并没进入你的心，只凭着长久以来的观察，经验，来猜测你是否不开心。

对不起，我让你失望了。
现在我所拥有的问题，你就不要去想，不要去想怎么帮我，就让我先扛着，直到时机成熟了，我会告诉你。我不会让你承受我现在的问题，我答应你，把事情处理的比较轻，比较没那么压力先，才告诉你。
就像我桌子上写的，我不想因为我一个决定，而让你我受到伤害。

这些话我一直不告诉你，是因为我不想伤到你，不想你我都不开心。请你原谅我。
如果你哭了，就不要再想那么多，冲个凉，晚上好好的睡个觉。然后专心的准备考试。好吗?

对不起。

Goin' back to sch 2molo. And with none of my homework finished and no revising for PMRs. Need to cut of my long long nails T_T! So wish me luck ~





Don't wanna sleep with a wet pillow again.

Its another crappy day, with a bad haircut. Seriously dunno wats goin' on with me today. Knew somethin tat really pissed me off. I dunno why I cant stand it. There are people, who are really important to me right now, people tat have a place in my heart. And I AM gona act selfish if someone really...wants to snatch them away. I'm confused, really am confused right now. Monday is comin, and PMRs is comin too. Now i'm seriously out of my mind, i'm thinkin the things i'm not suppose to, i'm doin' the things i'm not suppose to and I just can't bring myself together!

Really feel like goin' to the beach or maybe go on a mountain and just scream! And just sit by the beach feeling the cold sand and maybe someone to just give me a hug and tell me, "everythin' is gona be okay."







U already have him, so just stay back.

I admit, I'm selfish. I dun care tat ur his ex. But he's mine!




Can't afford to lose him....

Okay, so i'm starting to fall in lurve with tis singer from youtube xD. Name? SAM TSUI!! HAHAHAHA he's a geniuuuus xD. Dam I lurve his voice =]. U must listen to tis. Ofcuz its on my playlist but the screen in so tinnie.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HkHJ2-zoSB4


Check out ^ xD.

太多的为什么。。但就是没有答案。为什么我那么在意？为什么我会那么想知道？ 是不是因为我想太多了？

Studying in Singapore... I noe its nice..having vincent, min keat, ah teng korkor they all around, getting to noe more ppl maybe from diff countries too. But it might not be as good as I thought?

I might not tahan the stress there? Sg education is like way higher den M'sia, what if I can't stand it? What if I cant catch up? Maybe i'm just afraid of changes. Maybe i'm just afraid tat the things wouldn't go the way i wanted it too be. And maybe i'm just afraid i'll get disapointed or even disapoint others.

Sometimes, ppl may seem so tough but in the inside they're just so fragile. Even the strongest man in the world, will have a soft and fragile side. And sometimes, they just need a hug from someone, just to let them noe, u wont be alone, there is someone who cares abt u.



Maybe i think too much....

Okay imma back xD! So on thurs we were at the funeral all day. Next day after lunch we went to meet up with vincent and min keat (which i'm not gona forgive!). So 1st we went ice skating xD! Which was the most fun xD! Ah Teng kor kor went there too, and we dunno how fell and he gave me a souvenir <~~ Ice oso can make ma hand like tis O_O! Okay so i kinda can skate ady xD.








So after that we went to have dinner at um Pastamania and had 2 pizzas. And tat is when i only knew Ong Min Keat dunno ma b'day f5! Hmph! So after the pizzas we went to watch Vampires Suck LOL! It was...dumb and funny? Haha. So after that we went bowling which me and ming was new to. I had my 1st strike LOL! i took the ball and like roll it. And skali KIKABOOM! STIRKE LOL! Den ah kor kek dao ehehehehe. Huo gai! Who ask u forget my b'day~ Lalalalalala.



So we went back to Clementi for a drink. And reached my aunt's hse at 12 +? And den me and ming were at Ah Teng kor kor's room keng gai~ In the end i woke up with a flu =)! Now is betta. And i didn't go to taekwondo because of that =x. It was a nice trip =).




Who is the "she" your refering to.

Went to poto last sun. So we started off with wen, lynn, ling f3, wai po, my aunt, uncle. In the end its just me and ling walking around hiding from someone xD. Fun haha. So ming went to 2nd bridge, Coffee Corner earlier cuz its raining. So me and ling and xiao bai walked to Upwell and i tumpang-ed his car to Coffee Corner (thanks btw =]). Den had some drinks with 'Gao Li', wei fong and ming. And so we went back to the field BEFORE midnight and the field was empty -_-. Saw da ming de mei mei too. And there was no fireworks T_T! The only reason we went is the fireworks.. T_T! No fun. So we keng with da ming de mei mei untill my mama called me twice O_O. And went home...it was almost um 1am? xD. Had quite alot of fun =).




So nothing much tis few days. Its the hols, means bored~ So we're going to Singapore on thurs and coming back on sat. A relative of mine passed away >_