妈得飞了
下礼拜到那两只呱下新山
大家果然散了
该面对现实了
总不能渴望一直在一起
每个人有该走的路
所以就走吧！
偶尔聚在一起，回忆往事也是一件幸福。


等待，
对我而言不是一件陌生的事
但每个人都有自己的极限
每个人都会累
所以有时还是得宠一宠自己，休息休息
再继续奋斗。
请不要把我当成没脾气的人
因为你错了。


我，
会一直挂念你们的...

♥ u
#X

*sweep sweep*

Okay, getting dusty here!
time to sweep, time for an update.
might be a lengthy one today.

So 1st of all is REDANG =D
can i just say its a beautiful place..
the sand, the fine fine sand and the sea.. just wat i wanted and missed
too bad there weren't many stars and we didn't get to see the sun rise
but it was nice =)..
went with bii and frends, nice people !

Lets see wat else?
lemme juz skip the boring stuff
obviously uni started and its going to be hell of a sem
so yeah lets not go there..


So i also received 2 major news:
1. Cinday aka Mother is flying to Sumantra on the 20th
2. Turtle is not coming up to kl, but going down to JB instead

Yea, mother leaving is quite a big deal
hardly get to see her already tis year
but hey, i noe we'll be okay
someone once told me tat
distance makes the heart fonder x)..
everyone has their own paths and u're off on urs
we'll miss u
i will miss u
but ofcuz we're happy for u and we wish u the best!


I really wanna share something that i found out earlier today
i found out abt tis guy name Matthew Zachary Liu and his writings are truly inspiring
well, at least to me.
his writing is really long but i juz wanna share
u can juz skip the whole part if u wan to =)

Friends drift apart all the time. Groups of friends we might have known from childhood, secondary school, poly or university will dwindle over time for varied reasons. You could be the"best of friends", sharing personal secrets and hanging out almost everyday but become awkward strangers the next season..

Friendship is really just one of those indefinable words that mean different things to different people at different times. Most friendships are transient, they come and go with time, place and circumstances. Acquaintances may turn into friends, friends may turn into strangers.

Its sad but some friendships are just not meant to last. People change, priorities defer, situations occur.. we change. I personally don't believe in the whole calling each other "best friends forever"..

Imagine if you go around declaring that a certain person is your "bff" but after a petty quarrel, you never speak to each other ever again (almost true story). That'll certainly be a joke, wouldn't it? 

I've learned that true friendship doesn't need to be labeled or broadcasted with such terms, its simply a special relationship between you and whoever.

Anyway, I was just thinking about a certain something regarding friendship.. more often then not, friends fall out because of a misunderstanding. But I guess sometimes, when deep down we feel that it'd be such a waste to let a particular friendship be destroyed like that, we should just put our pride and ego aside and take the initiative in saying "hey, we need to talk"..

Have a heart to heart talk and thrash things out face to face, not talk behind each other's back creating a series of negative repercussions and animosity. Because its all these bitching over a certain misunderstanding that destroys friendships and relationships, not just our own but the people around us as well.

Even if resolving the friendship is beyond hope, we shouldn’t ever go so low as to kiss-and-tell. Certain friendships may not always have a happy continuation, but their past values should never be negated. 

Incidents will sometimes happen, but the secrets and memories shared should always remain special. Sacred. Its stupid to deny or tarnish the value of those memories.

Its also extremely degrading when one starts dishing out all the dirt in a fit of emotional fury or for revenge. Personally, I really don't think we should ever disrespect another in the eyes of others just because they longer fit into our life.

The thing is, we are actually a sum total of all our relationships, past and present, mixed together with our own peculiar personality. Every single person we've met along the way, no matter how long we've known them or how much we've shared during those times, have definitely made us who we are today in little ways we might not even have realized ourselves.

All these people are there for a reason. They give meaning and often leave an impact at various stages of our lives. And its all these special moments that are to be treasured because although friendships may not always last forever, its these memories that do..

Another thing is,
we have been seeing weiwei pang suffering for so many months
it somehow hurts too, seeing her like tat
den the moment she told me she dun trust him anymore
i was like wth? how are u guys going to go on like tat?
and i thought to myself
i really cant imagine being in her situation
and i would never EVER wanna be in her situation
and i would never ever get myself into her situation..


I dun really have anything else to write lol
so i'll juz share another one of Matthew's writing which i personally can relate to..

She stared at her phone – he was last seen just five minutes ago but why.. why hasn’t he messaged at all? They’ve been messaging back and forth every single day for the past month; the length and depth of each message increasing with each new message and then.. and then today, the messages just stopped. 

Surely he didn’t lose his phone – he was last seen just five minutes ago. 

“Oh my god, have I stooped to such an obsessive stalking level?” she sighed. Perhaps. She knew she was falling and was sinking even deeper..

The truth that she hated to admit is that she had fallen deeper for him over their conversations. Over the dreams she had of him. Over the good morning and good night messages. They made her smile. His smile.. made her heart flutter. Every single time. She wish she could simply tell him all that.. but..

Why isn’t he messaging me? Did I say or do something wrong? Has he lost interest in me? Maybe he never was interested to begin with. What if I messaged him first? No, that’ll make me seem desperate. I don’t want to annoy him. Maybe he’s busy. Yea, he’s definitely busy. Or maybe.. 

She sighed again. It was almost midnight. She had been thinking about him the whole day. Waiting for his message. It never came.

“I miss you” – she began typing a new message to him.

‘I can’t send this. No way. He’d think I’m clingy. But I do miss him. Too much. And I hate feeling this way – the not knowing,’ she thought to herself.

The thing about love is.. there are different ‘stages’ before we fall. She.. was at stage 3.

She closed her eyes, took in a deep breath and against her own sanity.. she hit the send button.

In a matter of seconds, she saw that he was “online”.

Surely he’s reading the message now.. but then, just as abruptly, he was back to “last seen”. No reply.

She clutched her phone close to her heart, waiting, hoping for his reply as she drifted off to sleep in tears.

There are five stages before we fall.. she is now in stage 4.

-

Lately, I’ve been trying to complete a certain other love story that I titled “Five before we fall”.. it was meant to be a personal narrative exploring five different stages we often go through leading to the point where ‘love’ becomes more than just a word..

But I’ve abandoned the story.

Because my current reflection of reality has changed; and reality is painful to write.

You know, stories of potential romance are not so simple or straightforward. Most boy meets girl stories don’t and won’t end in happily ever in love. 

“Five before we fall” was meant to be this “other” love story. What could’ve been. What may never be.

It was meant to explore the feelings, the thoughts, the stages and the games we’re all guilty of playing from the minute we find ourselves attracted to a person and as we go through the stages of falling.. 

For guys, it’s about the chase.
For girls, it’s playing hard to get.

We play these games because we’re unsure. Of feelings. Of thoughts. Second thoughts. Third. Fourth. The whole night. Every fucking night. We long to receive and read messages from a certain someone. We want to hear their voice, see their smiles, know how their day went and everything about him/her..

Eventually, we might reach the point where we know what or how we feel about the other person.. but we don’t know how they think and feel about us. So we play the games we do.. cautiously testing the frozen ice. To be sure it’s safe. To be sure we won’t plunge ourselves through the cracked ice just because we were a bit too quick, a bit too eager to take that next step when.. well, when the ice wasn’t ready.

But playing the game is tiring. It’s confusing. It’s uncertain. Frustrating. It consumes your energy, thoughts and nights. You can’t stop thinking about this one person throughout the day, and especially during the moments just before you go to sleep; then again when you wake up in the morning – worse, you actually start visualizing a future together with this person who you have absolutely no idea what or how they feel about you. 

So we play our cards cautiously and patiently even though it’s absolutely killing us. Because try too hard and she might see you as desperate and get turned off. Play too hard to get.. he might give up trying and move on.

And to add to the complication, there are even times the mixed signals get perceived wrongly.

A girl might think that a guy is into her.. but he isn’t. Or not yet. A guy might think the girl is not into him.. but she already is. And it scares her.

And it’s exactly why we play the games that we do. Because we’re trying to figure one another out hopefully without getting ourselves hurt. Because the one who admits falling first might end up hurting the most.

You see, there are no rules to this game that we play, but i'd like to believe there are different stages.. 

The five stages that I was going to revolve my narrative around were of:

Attraction. Interaction. Affection. Confession. Decision. 

In this process of falling, the moment has to be perfect. Two people who are attracted to each other and find chemistry through interaction, have to both come to the point of mutual affection at the same time before the moment of confession and decision.. because here’s the brutal truth, whoever confesses first (and when the other person isn’t ready).. loses. 

You developing feelings and confessing too soon might scare him/her off. He/she might back off because maybe they feel you’re getting too serious too soon while they’re still at the “figuring out” stage. 

So we play the games we play. Threading carefully on thin ice. Waiting for the opportune moment. That moment when both of you just know there’s no need to play any more games because both of you are already pretty sure of what you feel for each other even if it’s not said yet.. then comes confession and if the moment is right and you two make a mutual favorable decision to take a chance and make an effort in love.. you win. You both win. 

This unspoken game we play.. there are no rules. 

Well, okay maybe just one.. we have the freedom to love anyone we want; what we don’t have.. is the right to control the way they feel just because we feel a certain way towards them.

Just because we love, loved or still love someone.. doesn't meant we can expect or demand the one we have feelings for to feel the same way for us.

Feelings take time to grow in or out of. That’s the most painful or potentially beautiful part.

It’s the reason why I titled this attempted narrative “Five before we fall” – the five stages before we either fall in love or fall out of love. 

I’ve abandoned the story. I'll not be continuing it anymore. 

But to you reading this, if you haven’t already met your special one.. here’s to our one day, one person, and many beautiful moments together with this other.

By: Matthew Zachary Liu

I was really looking forward to this one 
but he decided not to continue it
wish he could continue, really wanted to noe more haha
its late! 
time for bed~


♥ u bii
#X