Kiss The Rain

Tis was one of my fav Yiruma song
i think i made ling cried with this song..or issit another one of Yiruma's
i dun remember lol
it's been years since i made tat video for her
well, now i don't listen to it, i don't play it either
its a beautiful song indeed
but it juz reminds me of Yu Qing
I wasn't close to her
yet somehow she impacted me alot
her family played this song along with her pics
tats why i cant stand listening to it, so dont even think of playing it

I remember after we walked back to sch
i hugged both yen and qin
i was crying too but i knew they needed a hug more than i did
a hug can mean so many things
-i'm here for u
-i love you
-i miss you
-or juz simply hey! long time no see

Losing something u really cared about
is by far the most painful emotion i've ever experienced
i cant really remember when did i last cried til so long
i guess it was when qin 1st came back from China?
i'm not sure i cant remember lol
last year,
i was, almost, all the time at the other end of the phone
wer i listen to the person at the other end cry
it wasn't easy, but i knew wat i should do
the only thing i could do was to juz be there
to listen, to accompany, although it was through the phone
hearing ling cry was one of the most hardest thing ever
i knew it would happen, i knew wat would happen
but i knew i couldnt do anything
not that i couldn't, i shouldn't do anything
cuz it was her journey, not mine..

Sometimes i hate myself for knowing stuff
knowing wat could happen
knowing how would things end
ofcuz i'm not always true, but so far i was right
i know things, i do
pls dont think that i am a idiot arrogant insensitive person
and ofcuz, i'm not right all the time, and sometimes i don't notice
but most of the time, i'm not too slow to notice that something's wrong
and one more thing i hate is that
even if i know, i tend to juz, u noe maybe i'm wrong
u noe, he/she hasn't tell me tat in person, so it's probably not true
i don't know whether its a good thing or a bad thing
i juz don't wanna face the truth until it hits me in the face
i wish i'm someone so "innocent" don't know everything
it'll be easier, sometimes lol
but hey, u gotta appreciate who u are and wat u are..

I started crying even before u start telling me about wat's going on in ur mind
becuz i knew wat u were going to say
i juz didn't wan to face it, i didn't wan it to end
i didn't noe wat to do but cry
and i didn't wan u to hear me cry
the moment i picked up the phone i cried even harder when i heard ur voice
i stopped after sometime, i put down my phone
i still didn't noe tat that was ur decision
i still thought tat they was something else to do, tats why i stopped
den i went to the bathroom and the moment i looked at myself..
i couldn't really look at myself, i looked like shit
and when i came back and looked at my phone
i couldn't stop, and there was tis awful feeling, like i couldn't breathe
it was 230am, but i knew i had to talk to someone
i was breaking down inside out
I was still very emotionally unstable the next day
went to subang parade for lunch
i was walking, sitting somewer to wait for my dad and mom
and most of the time i had to tilt my head up
and i was trying very hard to keep myself together
it was not one of the times wer i could juz cry myself to sleep and i'll be alright the next day
it was too unpredictable, too sudden, and i wasn't ready

Wat i'm trying to say here
is not how bad tat experience was, or how pitiful i was
or anything like tat
i juz wanna point out tat,
i could already break down becuz i lost something i treasure alot
and its not really gone, its still there somewer
wat if i lose something forever?
how am i going to pull myself together if something like tis happens?
i'm fragile, i never admit tis
but deep down i noe it
i hold on to memories very tightly
its wat makes me, me
i like remembering stuff, and i choose to remember them
becuz when everything changes
memories are the ones that doesn't
even if we parted our own ways
i'll always remember wat we did together, wat we always talked about

Guess tats why i'm writing tis
everytime i heard something, see something tat reminds me of something i care abt
i emo, i blast my speakers and sometimes i write
i dunno who the hell will be reading tis
but i don't write for ppl to see
i write for myself
to remind me that, yes i emo tat day and why?
i never liked deleting post
wat ever i write, wat ever i post
i leave it there..as a reminder tat i went trough tis shit
and i made it out alive, i grew, i learned something
ofcuz ppl say tat, u have to delete all the negativity
i think tat's bullshit lol
everyone becomes negative once in awhile
the thing is how we face it and conquer it and become stronger
i write to let out wat ever is in my head
so that i can sleep
den i normally juz forget abt wat i wrote and move on
*ok not all the time*
but hey i'm human
and i'm a freaking lo so, mafan, like to emo & cry girl lol
so give me a break, and time den u'll see me bounce back again

I have no idea wat did i crap about
so i'll juz go to bed, its late
and i'm gona sleep til afternoon <3 p="">
♥ u baby
#X